ANAL TOYS

There tends to be a lot of stigma associated with anal pleasures regardless of sex, gender, or sexual orientation. Some of this is founded in the physical limitations and dangers of anal penetration, but much of it is based in outdated social stigma and direct or indirect homophobia. The great thing about butthole pleasures is everyone can have them, regardless of your body or the body of your partner(s); the anus is a great sexual equalizer, and as long as you know your stuff and your self you’ll be all right.

Experimenting with your butt is best done alone, at least for the first few times, just because it allows you to explore sensations safely and at your own speed. This process can be enhanced by the use of a variety of anal toys. Just remember to start slow; the skin around and inside the anus is extremely delicate, prone to tearing, and very absorbent.  When stimulating the anus, especially if this includes penetration, you want to use a lot of lube (ALWAYS water based and NEVER spermicidal), and you want to take the time to relax your rectal muscles. This takes time and manual stimulation, as those muscles are not consciously controlled. This is why I say to start by yourself, because if it is your first time exploring your anus you don’t know how long this process will take, what it will feel like, or how much is too much.

Now putting a finger in there can be logistically difficult and may not give you the sensation you desire, so there are a lot of other options you can get your hands on. One of the more versatile of these is the butt plug. These come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and materials, so figuring out what works for your body is important. Butt plugs are bulb shaped and inserted into the anus with the ‘plug’ like base staying on the outside of the body to keep the toy in place. There isn’t the sensation of friction with the butt plug, but it does create a sensation of fullness and added pressure to either the g-spot or prostate, so they are an excellent item to insert and leave in while exploring other sexy pleasures. The removal of a butt plug is the trickiest part, as it’s shape can lead to tearing, so make sure to use a lot of lube on insertion and remove very slowly, adding lube if needed.

Another excellent anal toy are anal beads, or anal wands. These are sometimes the same thing, a combination of sorts, but sometimes slightly different. Anal beads are pretty much exactly what they sound like, a string of beads that one inserts into the anus and then removes (carefully). Never use anal beads that are connected by any kind of actual string or thread, as this material is difficult to sanitize and prone to breaking. There are a variety of silicone anal bead toys which can work wonders, also there are many which have a thicker connective thread with a variable levels of flexibility, which is where anal beads and anal wands cross paths. Anal wands are similar to dildos, except they often have ribbing more similar to anal beads, are more flexible, and are generally less girthy. Anal beads and wands can be used to create a feeling of fullness, and then are pulled out of the anus near orgasm to heighten pressure and sensation on the g-spot or prostate, as well as the anus itself. Stiffer anal beads or anal wands can also be used to create deep anal sensation, depending on their length. It is important to note that any anal toy you use should have a base, as your rectal muscles an actually pull things into your body, and you really don’t want to loose anything up there…

Anal dildos also come in a huge array of styles, materials, sizes and shapes. Some designed specifically for male bodied people, some designed especially for female bodied people, some look just like a penis, and some look like magic wands. What is most important in anal dildo use is finding what works for your body and making sure to use these toys safely, warming up to your dildo and relaxing your rectal muscles is a huge part of this. 

Also, regardless of what type of toy you choose to use knowing what material it’s made of, how to sanitize it, and putting a condom on it whenever possible reduces the risks of bodily harm or bacteria growth on your toys.

So go forth and find the hidden treasures of your anus… you have the tools! Don’t forget the lube.

69

      69ing. It doesn’t get enough attention. I’d say it was one of the first sexual positions I learned about, maybe because it’s easy to spell, to explain, and is thrown around jokingly, but really I haven’t had nearly enough serious conversations about 69ing. Logistically, it ends up being pretty tricky regardless of what genitals you’re packing and what your partner has going on. If you’re into oral and impatient it’s definitely a viable sexual option, but if you want to make it all the way to orgasm without a sore neck, you’ve got to do some experimenting to find a way that works.

      In my opinion, female bodied same sex couples are at an advantage when it comes to 69ing. There is just less chance of getting whacked in the face with a vulva than a penis, which I’d consider a bonus, but to each their own. In this pairing, if you decide to 69 there is also less of the dilemma of who’s on top, either way you’ll have to deal with a little bit on neck strain, but it’s nothing a few pillows can’t help with.  Depending what you’re into, the lady on top can put her knees on either side of her partner’s head, positioning them closer to the top of the head for easier access to the clitoris, or closer to the shoulders or even under the shoulders if you want to be able to stimulate the anus also. The lady on the bottom may be aided by a pillow to support her head depending on the angle of her partner, also putting a pillow under the pelvis can aid her partner’s access to the vulva.

      In heterosexual couples I recommend that the lady be on top, maybe that’s just my personal preference, but logistically there’s less complication. Performing oral sex on a male bodied person during 69 from below is not impossible, by any means, and depending on your sexual style may be really hot, however you definitely will want some neck support and you’ll have to watch out for swinging scrotum.

      In male bodied same sex couples the most important logistical element is finding the right position to facilitate comfortable angles with which to perform oral sex effectively. This may by harder if you have an extreme height different with your partner, however isn’t necessarily something there is prescriptive advice for. Your position will depend a lot on the style you prefer receiving/giving head in, and your resulting 69 positionality may differ from partner to partner because of this.

      Regardless of position and genitalia involved 69ing can be a very rewarding act, it gives you a unique and very advantageous view of your partner’s genitals and allows for exploration of a variety of oral pleasures. If your partner is into it, explore the options of oral; don’t forget about the taint, the anus, the balls, the clitoris, the layers of labia, the vagina, and also the sensitive skin of the inner thighs. Rules of consent and communication obviously still apply, and this can be especially difficult while 69ing because both mouths are occupied, but it important to be a considerate participant and check in with your partner about how the 69 is going.

      As both participants are receiving and giving pleasure it’s sometimes easy to get carried away, so if you need a break, take, it, but don’t leave your partner hanging. If you’re getting really into it (awesome!) make sure that you check how your body reacts with how that will effect your partner, you don’t want to thrust too much or move in a way which will make your partner physically uncomfortable. Also, as angles of 69 can get tiring or complicated, it’s better to readjust than to smother someone (who doesn’t want to be smothered). There’s always the option of the sideways 69, which is basically just what it sounds like, 69ing but on your sides, so no one is on top.

     For many people 69ing can be extremely intimate or make them feel vulnerable, so make sure to ask your partner if they want to, if they like 69ing, and if they’re comfortable with 69ing before jumping into it.