Sex Work

     It’s been a while since my last post, and for that I apologize, but after a restful and contemplative break I look forward to a 2012 filled with a multitude of sex+positive posts and the possible apocalypse. So overall a promising year, yes?

     I want to talk about something I’ve been thinking about lately as I consider misconceptions and prejudices many people function with, and I hope to inspire some open minded introspection. Sex workers tend to get a bad wrap and are constantly stereotyped as emotionally damaged women with daddy issues and no self-esteem. There tends to be truth in every stereotype, and I won’t deny that many people enter into sex work under less than ideal conditions with a multitude of motivations and types of relationships with their fathers, but really I think this field of work deserves closer attention and objective, understanding representation.

     Sex work as a term is vague; people tend to define it differently, drawing arbitrary lines trying to define something that is hugely ambiguous. Strippers may be considered sex workers, as may fetish workers or escorts who don’t engage in sexual activity, or who engage in activities that are perceived by client as sexual but are not conventionally sexual.

     Regardless of what actions sex workers take, or whether or not these people’s jobs are considered sex work, the problem really lies in the perception, criminalization, and stigma associated with sex work, and work of a sexual nature, however that manifests itself. There is a lot of exploitation, violence, and health issues associated with sex work, but it’s kind of a vicious cycle. As long as sex work remains criminalized there can’t be proper protection for sex workers, against their clients, the public, or abusive employers. Personally, I advocate the decriminalization of sex work over it’s legalization (and impending government regulation) however either would be an improvement. It’s obvious that sex work isn’t going away, even if it is illegal.

     Even if sex work were to be decriminalized there would remain a whole lot of social stigma to continue the prejudice against it. In my more optimistic moments I may be something of an idealist, imagining a sex+positive, liberal future, however I know that this in an unreasonable hope in any foreseeable way (especially if there really is an impending apocalypse). I do, however, think there is a lot of realistic room for improvement. Not all sex workers are empowered people doing a job they enjoy suffering no emotional toll, however I’d say that statement is true of almost any kind of worker. Everyone has days they hate their jobs, when they do things they don’t love, but that doesn’t cause moral outrage in most cases.

     Many average people separate sex from love and passion and don’t get paid for it. Whether that be sex out of obligation in a relationship or marriage, or sex for fun with someone you may not have a strong emotional connection with. I don’t see anything wrong with these activities, and I don’t see sex work as wrong either. I hope sex workers follow the same rules for themselves that I hope everyone follow in their sex lives: do what feels right. More specifically, rules of consent still apply; you need to put yourself first in your sexual endeavors (when it comes to being comfortable, feeling safe and in control). I think sex workers can only really do this when they can legally obtain protection, but there are many people who engage in sex work who set their own rules and enjoy their jobs.

     The perception that sex workers have sex for money to fill some sort of emotional void is what I’ve been stewing on most; in all honesty, I think most people have sex to fill an emotional void or for some form of validation at some point in their lives. I hope that people can exists as self satisfied and confident without basing their self worth on other people’s sexual affirmation, but most people I know aren’t sex workers, and most people I know are hugely affected by other people’s reactions to them, especially sexually.

     I want to respect people’s desires to not be sex workers; it’s not for everyone. I never want to be a physicist, to me that sounds awful, but honestly I could see myself being a successful sex worker. Not because I fit a physical type or anything, but because I think I have the ability to separate sex from emotion, be assertive, self confident, and not weigh my self worth by sexual partners. It’s not my role to be prejudiced against math people because I hate what they do, I’m glad there are people out there to do jobs involving the things I don’t enjoy. So if sex work isn’t your thing for whatever reason, so be it, don’t carry an uninformed prejudice against anyone involved in sex work.

     Not everyone holds the sex+positive view that one should let others behave how they see fit without judgment, or at least without interference, but hopefully we’re getting closer to that. In my idealistic future instead of pity, contempt, or moral outrage, we can look at those who are sex workers as contributing a valuable service to society, doing an important job, and being empowered, happy people.

     I know some people may read this and construct some kind of slippery slope argument… where do we draw the line? If we make sex work legal what else should be made legal just because people like doing it? Well, as long as it’s consensual I am pretty o.k. with it. So murder, still illegal. Pedophilia, still illegal. Prostitution should not be illegal. I’d love to hear your responses so please comment! I’m not claiming that this is argument is universally true, but really, nothing is, and I’m close to a thousand words.

It’s good to be back. Tell your friends!