REALLY!?

     Recently I came upon this article, on a really great feminist blog (check it out, it’s legit).  This is just one example of so many messages young women are exposed to when it comes to rape and sexual assault. Although the focus of this ad campaign isn’t overtly sexual, and is focused on alcohol use, this ad cannot be ignored. I am not claiming to be the first person to take this stance on messages surrounding rape, sexual assault, rape culture, and victim blaming, but this is a hugely important issue that I feel deserves my (and evidently your) attention.

     First, when you see this ad it looks sexy: smooth, bare, thin, effeminate legs with panties around the ankles… the image could just as well be an ad to sell underpants.

     Then you get to the text, the largest words printed read, “She didn’t want to do it, but she couldn’t say no”.

FUCK THAT! REALLY?! …. that was my first reaction, anyway.

     I can’t really imagine a person whose brain does not immediately find this problematic, but since this has actually been made, there must be people do not see the problems of this language. This message immediately makes the viewer feel guilty because, most likely, they sexualized the image shown before reading the text, then, it sends the message that it is her fault; because she was drunk and “couldn’t say no” she is to blame for being raped or sexually assaulted, as is insinuated by the ad.

     Regardless of sobriety, the absence of a “no” NEVER implies “yes”. EVER. If consent is ever a question, then you don’t have consent. I know that these lines can be blurry, and that depending on the situation or the relationship this may not seem as applicable. But really, in preventing rape and sexual assault why not be on the safe side? Always get verbal consent. It can be really sexy actually.

     Also, this whole victim blaming tradition is getting old. Being drunk, being unconscious (for any reason), being sexy, dressed well, or flirtatious are NOT reasons that excuse rape or sexual assault. The only blame for rape should be ON THE RAPIST. This seems like a simple enough idea, hold a criminal accountable for the crime they committed, but the way sexual assault prevention is taught is focused on managing women’s behavior and sexuality, as they are the most common victims of sexual assault and rape.

     I’m not saying that teaching women about the real dangers of sexual assault and rape isn’t a respectable endeavor, but we need to be teaching men not to rape, and teaching everyone about consent, sexual agency, and consciousness concerning the messages we all receive about sex.

     A lot of what is taught to women isn’t actually that helpful, and is oftentimes contradictory. Women are taught not to dress too provocatively, watch their drinks, stay with a group of friends, walk with their keys between their fingers, carry mace, avoid dark alleys, the like. Teachings like this imply that women will be attacked by strangers, when really rape and sexual assault are most often perpetrated by acquaintances of the victim, whether that be a friend from class, a relative, or a partner. What women need to be taught is how to feel confident in their own sexual agency, to be empowered, and to be reassured that sexual violence and rape are never the fault of the victim. Women should not have to dress a certain way, act a certain way, or carry protection to avoid blame for these attacks.

     That may sound idealistic, but I think most would sympathize that it’s a sad fact that it is more responsible to carry mace or always stay in groups for women to avoid sexual assault. What does it mean for our society that this reactionary approach to sexual assault has become so normalized that it’s almost perpetuated as common sense: sexual assault will happen (to women) so it’s the victims who need to stop it, discourage it, and if it keeps happening well who is to blame? It must be these irresponsible, promiscuous women… right?

   Or maybe, and this might be crazy, we should be blaming rapists and perpetrators of sexual assaults for their own actions against other human beings? (I hope my sarcasm has translated across text and the interweb).  We live in a culture that discourages sexual communication, male sensitivity, and asking for consent. This is not an excuse.

     In a seminar I attended that discussed men ending rape, as a proactive, as opposed to reactive, form of education concerning sexual assault, I learned that many college age men who were surveyed admitted to behaviors that would legally qualify as sexual assault or rape, however they were unaware these behaviors were problematic. This is a huge problem. The way we educate everyone about sex needs to change; it needs to become more comprehensive and to encourage consent as a positive thing. Women are conditioned to be submissive, and men aggressive, and although I know that that is problematic and overly general in itself, it is no less true.  

     Learning gender roles, sexual scripts, and acclimating to rape culture are things that are pervasive in basically every sphere of a person’s life, and they are difficult things to try to un-teach, but there need to be more sources preaching a message of sexual agency, consent, and blaming rapists for rape, while supporting survivors.

Feedback?

So I spent about the last two hours writing a lengthy blog about this business of Obama's directive of providing aid to foreign countries to protect the human rights of LGBT citizens. But I am not going to post it yet because I'm not sure how I feel about what I wrote, how academic it comes off, and really how I feel about this directive to begin with. Also, this could end up really not effecting any kind of change, so we'll see what happens... In the mean time, I will tinker with my lengthy diatribe, and hopefully you will comment on how you feel about this government promotion of gay rights, and I can use your input to inform my next post. 


Or, if you don't want to talk about that, and would rather comment as to your thoughts on the film Chasing Amy, that would also be welcome, because I just watched it and I am enraged and confused and sad and guilty all at the same time... and I'm not sure what to do with that. 


Just as a heads up, you may have to wait until after finals season for a substantial Post post, because I'm a bit intellectually exhausted, but take this time to comment and ask questions! Or tell me what you want to know about. 

:)

I have a long week ahead of me and a lot of paper writing to do... so today my blog post will be simple. Love yourself!  And by that I mean go masturbate. You'll feel better afterwards.

funzies

So it's been a heavy week... and I want to spread a little queer joy. So watch this video. Although I understand that everything can be problematized, including this, it's made with the best, sex positive intentions, and I love it. I hope you do to. To learn more about Athens Boy Choir check the website. Pansexuals represent! 

HIV Discrimination

     Yesterday evening, as part of my college's acknowledgment of World AIDS Day, I had the privilege of attending an event at which an HIV member of the college's staff spoke about his experiences living with HIV, his life before and after his diagnosis, and his personal views on being "out" as HIV positive. It was an incredibly inspiring talk, and this person spoke from a well-educated, sex positive viewpoint which was truly refreshing and well rounded. He has faced a lot of challenges in his life time, related to HIV, AIDS and otherwise, but the discrimination he faced because of his HIV positive status, and the uneducated fear that still exists surrounding the topic is upsetting. 

     Today, this petition was brought to my attention. If you read the explanatory letter, a 13 year old was openly discriminated against due to his HIV positive status. I hope you read the story and sign the petition. Regardless of that, I hope you educate yourself and others as to how this kind of discrimination perpetuates the irrational fears people have concerning HIV, AIDS, STIs and other illnesses that have been associated with sex. 

      Of course these illnesses are potentially harmful and shouldn't be celebrated, but without proper education and awareness they will continue to spread, and continue to be talked about as taboo, or silenced entirely. The shame surrounding sex, and especially around illness related to sex, does not protect anyone, but instead leaves us all more vulnerable because people aren't educated or are miseducated. Scare tactics are not a reliable method of education, rather communication and openness concerning STI or HIV status are necessary for these illnesses to be treated, managed, and eventually eradicated. 

World AIDS Day

     Today, December 1st, is World AIDS Day. It is also one of my brother's birthdays, but sorry Will, my blog post is going to be about World AIDS Day, as it is particularly relevant to my sex+positive blog (not that my brother isn't sex positive, because I am sure he would have plenty of solid contributions to this blog). Anyway....


   There have been a ton of great articles about World AIDS Day, The Huffington Post and the LA Times produced two especially well thought out articles, and even Fox News respectfully acknowledged the day. Most of what has been said is to celebrate the progress that has been made in treating HIV and AIDS, spreading awareness, and making safer sex sexier, but there is also a lot being said about what challenges we still face Nationally and Globally in eliminating AIDS and improving treatment while reducing transmission. 


     For me, the most pressing and personal issue associated with HIV and AIDS is the perspective young people have concerning contracting HIV and AIDS. Through volunteer work I've done with the Minnesota AIDS Project I learned last year the number of young men who have sex with men that were newly infected with HIV almost doubled in the Twin Cities. That's startling. 
     For people in their teens and twenties right now, AIDS doesn't have the scary face it does for people who were alive and coherent in the 1980s. With the advancement of medical treatment in the form of antiretrovirals HIV and AIDS are seen as illnesses you can live with, and I've even heard them compared with diabetes. Also, there are fantastic efforts made now to encourage gay males to get tested for HIV, but women who have sex with women and heterosexuals, especially young people, don't really see HIV infection as a possible threat. They might skip the HIV test, or skip asking their partner if they've been tested. Although we've made some amazing advances since the 80s, 40,000 people a year are newly infected with HIV. That is too many, especially when access to testing, safer sex supplies, and information is more available than ever.
    I hope everyone takes this World AIDS Day to reflect, celebrate our accomplishments, respect the lives that have been lost to AIDS and the lives that are affected every day by HIV and AIDS, but also to look forward. Not just to look forward with an empty hope, or faith that the government and medical advancements will take care of this, but look forward with a sense of personal responsibility and introspection. If the difference you make is only that you get tested for HIV, or put up a World AIDS day status of facebook, that's better than nothing, but we can all do so much more to help in the cause and take responsibility for our actions.